FIC: Irreplaceable (Remus/Severus, NC17) Title: Irreplaceable Author/Artist: Serpenscript Pairing(s)/Characters: Remus/Severus Rating: NC17 Word count: 1300~ Warnings: breathplay, mentions of past violence Summary: Severus tries out a kink he's not comfortable with. Notes: written for the prompt "more than I can bear" with the requested kink of 'breathplay'.
“I want you to try it.”
Remus froze, poised to thrust with his cock nudging between Snape’s spread thighs, bracing himself over his lover. “What?”
Severus licked dry lips nervously. “You said you’d always wanted to try breath play.”
“Is this really the time to bring up a discussion of a new kink?” Remus asked tersely. “When I mentioned it before, you looked at me like I was a monster.”
Now is the best time - before I lose my nerve. He tried to look confident and unbothered, but he quaked inside. He’s a werewolf - he will always be stronger than me. Can I trust him to keep control, even close to or during orgasm? What if he enjoys it too much? He tried to shove the doubts aside and met Lupin’s eyes evenly. “I researched it, and I trust you. I want you to try - that - while you’re fucking me tonight.”
“Listen to yourself, Severus! You can barely bring yourself to say it! What makes you think you’re ready for something like this?” Remus sat up and slid one hand up over the pale chest. He wrapped strong fingers gently around Severus’ neck, and felt him swallow nervously. “Can you say you want my hands around your neck?”
It took all his Occlumency skills to lie to his lover. “I’m not afraid. And I trust you.” And it’s true; I do trust Remus. But the wolf is another matter, and the wolf is always just beneath the skin.
Remus held his gaze for several long moments, then sighed. “Something tells me I’ll regret this, but - are you sure?”
Severus nodded, then pulled Remus down into a kiss when the wolf still looked doubtful, derailing Lupin’s protests with his skillful tongue. He let him go when they were both panting. “Fuck me,” he purred, using the low silky voice that drove Remus to distraction. “Fuck me blind, and do what you want with me.”
Lupin’s doubt had vanished in a haze of arousal, gold eyes darkening to a deep amber with lust. “Bloody tease,” he growled and lifted Severus’ legs to his shoulders, bending him double. “When do I not fuck you blind?” His cock nudged into place; then then Remus thrust, sinking balls-deep into his lover’s slick and welcoming heat.
At least fucking was familiar ground; Severus cried out when Remus thrust, welcoming the sensation of being stretched and filled, the familiar sharp burn of penetration. His cock throbbed as Remus thrust again and brushed his prostate; he closed his eyes and arched into the familiar dance, welcoming the friction that curled his toes and sparked lights behind his eyelids.
He jolted when a strong scarred forearm pressed against his throat, eyes snapping open. Even in the lustful haze, Lupin’s gaze was assessing and considerate, and he snapped his Occlumency shields back to full force. “I’m fine,” he murmured mechanically, mentally reaching for the arousal of a moment before and failing. “Just caught me by surprise. Go on - I’m alright.” He inhaled deeply and arched against Remus, relieved when he felt him begin to move again, thrusting gently.
He closed his eyes and this time he was ready when Remus pressed a forearm against his throat, constricting his airway; he was ready, but panic clawed at his gut, closing his eyes to hide his fear from Lupin. Don’t fall apart yet - hang on just a little longer - he clenched around his lover and felt Remus groan, thrusts picking up speed and force.
But the weight against his throat was heavier too, and he struggled to inhale; he managed to wheeze and felt Remus moan loudly; the forearm pressed harder, and he couldn’t inhale at all. I can do this for Remus - he feigned a moan, the sound vibrating against Lupin’s arm, silenced when Remus pressed that fraction harder.
Justalittlelonger - His lungs burned; surely Remus couldn’t last much longer - his fucking had a bruising force to it now, and Severus ran shaking hands over Lupin’s back and sides to keep himself from throwing Remus off. For some reason his cock had a mind of its own, hard and aching and throbbing despite his panic. Cantbreathneedair -
He arched violently and felt Remus stiffen, his cock pulsing as he came with a loud growl, his arm locked in place across Snape’s throat, but for a moment Severus thought he was somewhere else - someone else was standing over him, smelling of alcohol, someone else’s calloused hands wrapping around his neck in place of a forearm and shaking him viciously, swearing at him.
Waitabitnotyet - Lights burst behind his eyes and his mouth opened, gaping and gasping; he clawed at Lupin’s arm until it moved, and he rasped, inhaled too deep, and choked.
He barely felt Lupin’s cock slip free, or the come on the insides of his thighs as he curled up. He sucked in another shuddering breath of air, and was humiliated when it came out as a sob. “I’m sorry,” he rasped, “I thought I could -”
Remus curled up behind him, but waited until his breathing calmed to drape a comforting arm lightly over Severus’ shoulders. “Has someone tried to choke you in the past?”
Severus tensed, but finally nodded.
Remus was quiet for a moment, before he asked warily, “It wasn’t - consensual?”
“No.” No, he meant to kill me. Almost did, and I often wished he had.. He pressed his trembling fingers to his throat, almost expecting to feel huge finger-shaped bruises. The silky-rough voice that made his biting sarcasm so effective was a result of his near-strangulation at the tender age of nine.
Another shaky deep breath. “I was far too young for these kinds of - of games. I hadn’t even received my Hogwarts letter yet. Years and years ago, but I react like it was yesterday. Foolish! Weak! This is Remus, not Tobias! he chastised himself.
He flinched when Remus growled, low and dangerous.
“Damnit! Sorry, Severus. I’m not mad at you. I mean I am, but -” he growled again in frustration. “I want to hurt the person who hurt you. But I’m also upset you didn’t tell me this. Why did you encourage me? Don’t try to tell me you didn’t have a flashback - you thought I was someone else for a moment. Merlin, Severus - the fear on your face will give me nightmares.”
Severus shuddered, and squeezed his eyes shut; his throat felt only slightly bruised from where he’d struggled against Lupin’s arm. And it wouldn’t have bruised at all if I hadn’t struggled!
“I didn’t....I didn’t want you to tire of me.” He flinched when Remus’ arm tightened around him, and tried to explain, “I know I am....plain. I have little to offer you, and when you said you’d always wanted to try breathplay - that the wolf loved games of submission...”
He felt Remus sigh gustily against the back of his neck, and then the arms pulled him closer until he was spooned tightly against his lover.
“I like it when you submit to me, that’s true. But I love it because you want to submit, not because you have to or are forced to. If it’s something that you just can’t bear, then neither can I. When we’re together the look on your face should be ecstasy, bliss - or at the very least contentment or exhaustion! If there’s pain, fear, sadness - then I’m not doing something right.”
“I thought I could finally offer you something that -” Snape inhaled shakily, “ - something that no one else could.”
“Severus -” the word was a whisper and a plea for understanding all at once. “You already do that.” He pressed a kiss to Severus’ neck, then murmured, “No one else could be you.”